Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Rebel Wilson Apologizes For Her So-Called Oscars Mistake

Ouch, you think you have bad PR problems? The poodle fans at PETA are dead set on turning Rebel Wilson into an ash heap of human history.

The Australian comedian, star of Pitch Perfect, Short Circuit and Knocked Up, is fielding many calls to explain the goof involving her beloved impala who, as we all know, piddled on the floor, causing Wilson’s short-term memory to fail a little, resulting in her frenemy-foe accidentally putting Meryl Streep’s three-legged Best Actress Oscar away in the past. Wilson released a statement yesterday detailing her contrition:

“My dogs are my life and to say I’m sorry isn’t quite enough for them to forgive me. They’re not impressed with me and they’ve only ever had one friend, and that’s me. I love my dogs very much and they’re my joy. They have always been such a joy to me and I’m in a really terrible way right now, and if it was only about the Oscars, it would be easy. The Oscars was a bad mistake, but it’s only been a bad mistake because of how I’ve reacted.”

Translation: Girl, you’re embarrassing the poodle mafia and that’s never OK. So since you’re going to have to take some major pitty-pokes to fix the problem, we advise you to stop running the risk of making the people’s remorse into real world damage.

Wilson also dropped a funny radio interview with Ryan Seacrest, who never mentions the stolen Oscar, despite being previously fired because of a Goop show appearance wherein Seacrest failed to get two bad things out of Katie Holmes: always).

“The Oscars is an event that we’re all just excited to attend, we don’t talk about what happened beforehand. You know, like the parade of celebrities that is there, so we don’t really talk about the wardrobe malfunctions,” Wilson said. “I’ve learned my lesson and never attend that event again.”

Wilson has also lost all respect for pets and is putting them all up for adoption on Facebook, as per per previously required:

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